We are all in the business of selling. Whether selling products and services, an idea to family and friends or putting ourselves out in the world to sell our own being to a potential mate, the principles and issues remain the same. Those who struggle with selling in business are often said to have a deep inbuilt fear of being rejected. However, I think that a fear of being accepted is just as much of an issue.
Personally I am a bit of a maverick, rejection is a part of being different. Being the lone ranger is easy. Being accepted and even welcomed as a part of the crowd, well that is another matter entirely.
Question is are you a sheep or a maverick?
Life and love dishes out its fair share of cuts and bruises that can programme a brain with a set of beliefs that dictate which roads which we choose.. Bottom line though, we all need business, most of us don’t want to die alone and we all crave a fulfilling existence where we manifest all that we can be.
The symptoms of a fear of being rejected or accepted.
Overselling or underselling, systematic self-rejection or battering the brick wall of resistance with ‘won’t take no for an answer’ all point to an imbalance. Fueled by an unmet need, the pain is perpetuated ad infinitum or until we fall down.
The crime is not that we end up being rejected or that we cannot be accepted. The real issue lies with missed opportunities.
Bad dates, mis-sold pensions, suckers and snake oil salesmen
We hate being sold to. Salesmen of many kinds have bludgeoned us for years with their shiny new double glazing, their policies that insure us against every fear in humanity and above all they dangle the tempting golden apple of glorious success with its flash cars and nice houses designed to pillage our purses and empty our bank accounts. Turning up on a date only to find that the person you meet is nothing like the gorgeously sexy avatar is to some the biggest let down of all.
We have been confronted with every scam in the book. If anyone approaches wearing the same cologne as these retrograde mishaps, they are likely to get the door slammed in their face before they have a chance to take a breath to speak. A tragedy if what is on offer is actually something amazing, gorgeous and a perfect solution for all our needs.
Racism, prejudice, repetitive rejection and expectations of abuse and attack
Colour, size, accent, clothes all brand us before anyone gets close to us.
The signals and the body language clearly indicate that acceptance and embrace is never going to happen. The result is that we reject ourselves before anyone has the chance. It’s quite possible that we have better things to be doing anyway.
Rejection is not the issue. Acceptance is. It is quite possible that a person might not know what it is to be appreciated and respected for who they are and the value that they bring.
Sheeple and mavericks
Mavericks are very self-reliant and will far more readily shut themselves away pursuing their own goals in isolation. They can handle rejection far more readily than acceptance. It is often up to us to reach out and court them if we really want to see what they have to offer.
They will consistently rebel against those who seek to own and control them convinced that they will not be accepted just for who they are. It is hard to get close to them and get them to reveal the immense value that they bring to the world.
By contrast the sheep hiding in a herd of followers is kept trapped by their fear of rejection. Acceptance is their game and they will mold themselves in whatever way they need to ensure that they belong.
They cannot be distinguished from the millions of other rather bland beings trudging their way through life not being particularly spectacular. The tragedy is that we never see their light nor hear their song. They take their stories with them when they leave without them ever having been told.
The art of symbiosis and resonance – learning the craft of reciprocity and openness.
Marketing is a traditionally a game of charades and we often have to second guess what is on offer and ascertain the intentions of those involved in any encounter. The winner takes all approach promoted by many of the marketing and selling traditions perpetuates mistrust. I think that for most of us we want better than that.
The art of buying and selling is the fair exchange of value between people who both have a need to be met.
Any good relationship is based upon a mutually enjoyable symbiosis which feeds all those concerned. We need to cultivate a shift in our mindset and see it is a journey of connection, conversation, joyful play and learning. But that is not all. We also need a few other things besides
Listening with empathy and compassion.
Being prepared to acknowledge and perhaps help heal past experiences.
Hearing the true meaning of the encounter.
Accept all that each moment offers.
Be the best you can be as well as do the best you can.
Cultivating curiosity and paying attention.
Openly expressing values with integrity and honesty.
Know that it’s the little gestures that make a big difference in building trust.
Trust the process.
Seek the best outcome for all concerned.
Keep going until you can say “I see you” and mean it.
Learning to receive as well as give.
Accept the outcome you achieve. It will be the right one for you at that time.
Seek resonance and deals will be done, courtship and romance can blossom and our life’s work can come to fruition in a state of inspired harmony and grace. Over time, our working life blends with our personal ambitions and our life itself becomes our magnum opus. All it takes is a willingness to be open and curious and we never have to face the fear of rejection or being consumed by the anonymity of the crowds again.